101 Ways to Kill a Mary Sue
by Miharu is Haruka's Love Child
Summary: The Death Note boys are sick of living in gender-benders, yaoi!fics, and being paired with dingbat OC's. They devise some plans to get revenge on the fangirls who humiliate them so shamelessly. L, Light, Matt, Mello, Near, & others. WARNING: LOTS OF CRACK


101 Ways to Kill a Mary Sue

Chapter 1: What the Mu?

**Summary**: The Death Note boys carefully examine the fangirls who insist on mindlessly pairing them off with dingbat OCs. They develop some plans to get revenge on the fan fiction authors. L, Light, Mello, Matt, Near & others. Lots of CRACK

**APOLOGY:** Due to some people taking offense at my original author's note, I have replaced it. I apologize for any offense, as it was not my intention.

_A/N: I find poorly-written OCs (the majority of which are Mary-Sues) quite frustrating. They can ruin an entire story-line, sometimes. I'm writing this story to poke some fun at some of the really outrageous, pull-out-your-hair types of characterizations that some of us sometimes publish (yep, I'll be making fun of myself too). So, please enjoy._

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Electric pulses ran across his nerve synapses as he fell towards the ground…his body yielding to power of the Death Note. In his final moments of consciousness, Light remembered the cackling warning that Ryuk had given him on that fateful day of encounter. He could hear the taunting of it as if the words were freshly spoken.

_Do not think that those who use the Notebook can go to Heaven or Hell._

In the end he'd lost to that sniveling brat, Near, L's protégé. Anger and humiliation left him as his heart finally gave in and Light Yagami, God of the New Age, gave up the ghost.

Heaven was supposed to be a place with angels harping melodies while floating on little clouds of righteous indignation. Hell should have been a fire-filled pool of burning sulfur. Light expected neither of these. He expected a blank nothingness, and end to his conscious-state. And yet there he was, having coherent thoughts. Where was his nothingness, damnit?

"Light-kun."

_Oh fuck no!_

"Light-kun."

He knew that voice. He knew it like it haunted every breath of his living obsession with the man. He refused to open his eyes. No no no no no no no! He couldn't even escape him in _death_?

"Light-kun, ignoring my presence doesn't take away from the fact that I am physically standing next to you. Is your sudden display of childish behavior because, as predicted, Justice as prevailed and you, Kira, have lost?"

Light slowly unclenched his eyelids to meet the obsidian gaze of his eternal rival. He looked as nonchalant and inconspicuous as he had five years before. A smile played at the corner of the panda man's lips as his hands found jean pockets. Even in death, L refused to stand with his back straight.

"Give him some time to adjust, L. He is probably still in shock from his heart attack."

The second voice was much gruffer and older, but one that Light knew just as acutely as his rival's.

"_Dad?_" squeaked Light.

Soichiro seemed to materialize out of nowhere, but he wasn't the only one. Bit by bit, all the people involved in Light's past seemed to appear: Takada, Mikami, different members of the Yotsuba group, Rem, Watari, Roger, Near,Dememgawa, the entire SPK and NPA taskforce, Misa, Ryuk, Mello…some goggled redhead that Light vaguely recognized was part of Takada's kidnapping…there were so many that Light couldn't even keep up with them all.

"What the hell?" Light stared as the figure of Naomi Misora digitized mere feet from him.

"I believe you mean 'what the Mu', Light-kun." Smiled L.

"What…what is this? Where are we?"

The lean skeletal figure of Ryuk floated towards him, his head twisting as his demonic teeth flashed in a mischievous grin.

"Do you not remember, Light? Having used the Death Note, you are not eligible to go to Heaven or Hell."

"B-but…where am I?"

"You have been sentenced to immortality, existing in a place that is neither life nor death. Rather, you exist in a sort of limbo. Do not think that your body and mind are your own. This is a place far worse than nothingness."

Ryuk began to twist and cackle at Light's confused face, "Well Light, I believe it is time to read you one last rule from the Death Note."

He pulled a thin black book from thin air and flipped it to the back cover before handing it to the brunette. Scrawled in neat handwriting was a single sentence that sent a shock through Light Yagami.

_When the human who writes in this Notebook dies, their soul shall become property of the Fan Fiction Universe._

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_Thanks for reading my odd branch of humor. Next chapter, we'll explore how some characters getting sucked into fanfiction stories...and hopefully laugh about the absolute horrors of Mary-Sue fics, bad self-inserts, outrageous gender-swaps, the things we put the poor characters through in slash fics...oh you name it. :D Let's have some fun here, darlings. _

_Review please :D_


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